Jessica Latshaw

musician. writer. dancer.

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whoa, random. Leg! Chicken! Happy! Jason (in that order)!

Posted By on March 4, 2013 in I Lift My Eyes Up, Loved Ones, there are pictures here, Thoughts and Feelings | 1 comment

These are the kinds of things I do when you get me alone in a studio.

I will probably most definitely be sore tomorrow.


So worth it.

Tonight, I was talking to my mom on the phone and making dinner at the same time. Which is the reason I am using to explain this:

I preheated the oven for 400 degrees. I prepared the chicken. When the oven was ready, I set the timer for one hour. I covered the chicken to keep it from drying out. AND THEN I PROMPTLY PUT THE CHICKEN IN THE FRIDGE.

And went on with my life for about ten minutes before I opened the oven door to check on the chicken.

Which wasn’t there.

Because it was in the fridge.

You could have knocked me over with a feather, as the saying goes.

I started laughing and told my mom what I’d done.

She said her typical, “Oh, Jess!”

Then, with the renewed realization that I am a weirdo, I put the chicken in the oven where it belonged, and set the timer for an hour. AGAIN.

Tonight, a friend who has spent quite some time heartbroken and disappointed about a series of events in her life texted me something both simple and beautiful.

“I am so happy,” she wrote.

We got into the details of what makes her feel this way, but man, seeing your friends and family happy–Really, truly happy!–is a kind of soul food that lasts.  It lasts far longer than all the times you saw your friends unhappy, because you realize that maybe they had to go there to come here. And you see it on their face now. You hear it in the jumble of words that come out like the fresh stream of water you’ve been thirsty for since you first learned what it meant to die and how everyone had to do it and you couldn’t stop crying because of it. All those salty tears that fell into your mouth while you were hiding in your pantry left you feeling a little dry, and now you’re seeing some joy and some redemption and suddenly the dryness is swallowed up by this.

This feeling of worth-it-ness.

There’s a song by a passionate singer named Rita Springer. Maybe the title is the same as the chorus, I’m not sure, but I remember singing the hook over and over again, not realizing how much the words would mean to me when I was a few years down the road.

“It’s gonna be worth it,” I’d sing in the car, not having any idea whatsoever what it is, and how much it would hurt.

But that’s just it. The it comes and goes–it hurts us, but it doesn’t destroy, and it certainly doesn’t stay. Joy moves in and then we find ourselves texting our friends things like, “I’m so happy.”

Because we are.

Or we will be again.

Oh, and one more thing. It’s my brother Jason’s birthday today, so shout-out to him, because he’s one of those people who I’ve texted. I’ve told him “I am so sad,” and more recently, “I am so happy,” and he always knows what to say, no matter what the content is.

He’s very special and if you know who he is, you should make sure you tell him happy birthday.

Thank you.

Also, if you follow him on instagram, you should like all his pictures, because I am pretty sure that’s his love language.

1 Comment

  1. John March 6, 2013

    I was just 5 at the time. Our family lived in a two bedroom Bronx apartment although think back on it it was most likely a divided four bedroom because my parents had french doors leading to their room which I now know to be an indication that it was once a dinning room. Anywayssss..One night not too late and not too long after I had gone to bed something strange happened of which I still hold a clear memory yet I shouldn’t I think. I went for a sleep walk. I got out of bed with the very strong urge to urinate. The kind many people have had but I think it’s more apt to happen to men or this case. An urge that doesn’t fully wake you but puts you into an automatic pilot like trance and sends you rushing into the bathroom. Most men will experience this after a night of excessive beer drinking but I was only have and my beer drink had not even begun yet let alone become excessive. Anywho… In my trance like state I rushed from my bedroom straight through the living room where my parents were sitting in front of the T.V. and I can clearly remember my mother asking in a startled voice ” where are you going? ” to which I answered ” the bathroom “..but the bathroom was now behind me, I had passed it on my way into and through the living room as I made my way INTO THE KITCHEN. Where I opened the refrigerator, pulled out the crisper draw and processed to pee on the Macintosh apple my mother had bought that day from the super market. I then closed the draw and the fridg door and returned to bed again passing my confused parent still sitting in front of the T.V. Looking back on it now I think it was some kind of strong survival instinct my body was expressing to the DDT that may have been present in the apples..anyway..I still won’t eat a Macintosh. 🙂

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