You know, when I was little, my brothers and friends and I played a game called Scary Ghost Seeker. Only, we said it like it was one word, with no pauses at all, pronounced: scaryghostseeker. Just like that. We were hashtagging things long before twitter did it, guys.
It was basically hide-and-seek, but in the pitch black darkness of my parents’ basement with the added element of whoever was ‘it’ acting like a real monster. Complete with growls and snarls and crawling on all fours–the works.
But I never wanted to be the monster. No, I always liked keeping my eyes open the entire time, knowing exactly where the monster was (or, when I couldn’t actually see him, tracking him by the sound of his blood-chilling grunts. Eek!), and being in as much control of the game as I could be. I monitored the monster, as well as my fellow hiders, and I waited till it was just the right time for me to reveal myself. Which was usually when everyone else was captured and, well, I had to give up my hiding place, or risk everyone thinking that I’d quit the game and gone to bed.
Yes, I was a brave little girl like that.
But my point is, there are people who like to be the monster. Who like to not know where their opponents are–who find the challenge of rooting through the darkness, trying to uncover surprises, actually fun.
And then there are people like me. The ones who like to keep their eyes wide open. Who like to know just where the danger is. And then stay the eff away.
But, that’s not always our choice. Which is an understatement. Because that’s not really ever our choice. Not that we need to go around snarling and crawling in the dark (though, that’s always an option; and I’m not gonna tell you not to do it, if you so wish. Just be prepared to be put on some heavy meds if you do, is all), but this adventure called Life can feel like a blown-up version of my parents’ very dark basement and here I am, feeling my way through that darkness.
Not that it’s bad–it’s just scary sometimes.
Now that I have to move.
Nothing bad has happened–it’s just time for me to move on because the lovely family I am living with is wanting to be just a family.
But, I don’t know where I am going to live in this fine city. And I have a certain amount of time allotted me to find a place.
And I feel a little bit like the monster, pawing its way through the blackened room and waiting for a surprise to jump out and reveal itself.
I just hope that it’s an affordable surprise. With kind people. And my own room. And in a safe area. With a laundry room for acoustics.
But it’s an adventure, yes? And it’s good we can’t see everything. I mean, some darkness lends us some mystery–a place where we can hang our hopes. I think if we could see into every crevice of life, we might never get out of bed in the morning. It’s the thought that maybe–just maybe–today will be the day that life starts looking a little more like the way we dreamt it to be that helps us up and at ’em every day.
And the darkness–maybe it’s the magician’s cloak. The cover so that we cannot quite see all the magic. But there’s God, working so hard in the dark, and eventually we will see the results. Just not today.
Which is okay.
It has to be.
Cause that’s life. That’s faith. That’s mystery. That’s adventure. And guess what it’s not: boring. It sure is NOT boring. Dear God, but that’s good. Because boring is not an option for me. Life is way too lovely to ever settle for boring.
And when I saw this on postsecret, my heart just about started nodding, it was agreeing so hard.
So, there you go. I got it. Adventure. Oh, I have it in droves! Lucky, lucky me. I have no idea where I will be living in six week’s time, but right now that’s behind the magician’s cloak.
And that has to be good enough for me.