Life is sad and it is beautiful and it is strange and it is normal.
This week I am teaching a dance and theater camp and working exclusively with six to nine year olds. They are adorable with their recently acquired grown-up teeth that have not yet quite settled and so still seem too big for their little mouths. And man do they get tired. But their dances are not even that hard! I know cause I am the one choreographing them. I mean, I am making them use some pretty sweet little benches as props and they do have to carry them around like all day every day (read: for about 15 seconds at a time, max!), but don’t worry. Cause these benches are tiny. And very light. And these kids are just fine, though very good at pretending to be “so tired, Miss Jessica!”
And it’s amazing how they have not learned to keep secrets. They’ve barely learned to be embarrassed. We were rehearsing yesterday; they were all piled on those little white benches, when one little girl just announced to the world that her parents are getting a divorce.
At which point another girl asked what a divorce is.
Silence.
Being the resident expert, I stepped in and explained that it’s when a married couple decides not to be a couple anymore. I tried to act nonchalant about it, for the sake of the girl whose parents had just decided this. It’s not a nonchalant thing, not at all, but on my watch, I didn’t mind if this girl has a little more time innocently believing that maybe it is.
And then the girl said that it’s pretty cool, though, because her mom’s gonna have another baby. Oh great! I said. Oh shoot! I thought. How sad. And then the girl said that her parents’ couldn’t afford two houses, with this new baby coming and all, so they all still lived in one house and I said, Oh, well that’s something! And I thought about how weird that would be.
Divorcing somebody doesn’t really mean that you wouldn’t mind still living with that person. I mean it’s a pretty strong statement. About the strongest one you could make in terms of setting boundaries. And you don’t usually make that kind of statement to another person and then don’t mind them seeing you in just your towel as you flit from the bathroom to the bedroom.
Another little girl finally asked when these parents are getting this divorce. But with her little-girl accent, it sounded more like divoice. And so, with a little bit of laughter, the girl corrected her, saying, It’s divorce, not divoice! And it already happened!
And that was that.
And I thought it was sad but look, another sad thing that is just somebody’s new normal. That happens a lot in this world, I guess.
Oh, and now I have to share with you a wonderful and vast mistake I made the other day. I was at a party. A party full of church-goers and I know what you’re thinking: WILD. And I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or anything, but well, badminton did happen. And not just once, either.
Anyway.
A friend of mine was asking me if I wanted to go on a midnight swim in a creek. I said sure because duh! who doesn’t? But then it quickly escalated to talks of skinny dipping and does this really shock you? I already mentioned the badminton! And I didn’t want to admit this, but all of this conversation was taking place while I was actually in the act of playing badminton. So I was talking quite loudly, being on the other side of the court and all.
And that’s when I mentioned that I had never actually been skinny dipping. Oh, but I remembered something so I had to amend it by saying, Well, okay. So I’ve done some organized skinny dipping, I guess.
Huh? Was basically the general response to that, so I went on to explain that while I was in South Korea and Japan, I visited the public baths there and yes, everyone bathes completely naked.
But then I tried to put all fears and judgy feelings to rest by loudly proclaiming, But don’t worry–it was COMPLETELY coed.
And then there was a pause while nobody said a word and I thought to myself that I was glad I explained it so as to leave no room for misunderstanding.
But then I remembered something about the word coed actually meaning well, COED. LIKE GUYS AND GIRLS TOGETHER. Ohhhhhh. So I was like, wait! Does coed mean both sexes? Cause I meant it was NOT coed. I might have been confusing by saying the exact opposite of what I meant, you know.
And then everyone started cracking up laughing and we even took a tiny break from badminton (I wish I could say that it was at that point that we finally stopped that dismal behavior, but alas, we continued for quite some time). We kept quoting Don’t worry guys, it was COMPLETELY coed! to each other because how dumb! And how opposite of what I meant!
And how very glad I am that I explained myself after explaining myself.
You!
You’re so funny. Especially when you broadcast to the Interwebs your verbal flubs.
And, were you like compelled to play badminton? Wouldn’t they let you stop? Badminton might happen at a party, but compulsory badminton doesn’t sound very party-like to me.
Well now, I was in fact compelled to play badminton–but I was compelled from within! And it was really fun and I think Jimmy and I even won a few games:)
Hilarious… But that little girl? That is tragic and humorous (in that little kid confusion and innocence way) all at once. A new normal is right. Ugh. I’m glad you were there to explain to the class and try to make it normal for her. A God moment if there ever was one.
It’s true, it’s great that you were able to give her that bit of support. Probably made a lasting difference for her!
well the truth is that divorce happens–it just does–and it actually doesn’t mean the end of the world. I know this better than anyone else–or at least better than some. And I don’t want anyone to feel unredeemably crippled by it. ever. especially little girls with orange flower headbands.
though not to say that divorce isn’t tragic, mind you! and it happens–but I do believe that there is usually some kind of sad fault involved–and not always with both parties.
Haha!
Oh, and that word you were looking for instead of coed? Is segregated. Maybe your brain refused to use the word because of its usual negative context, even when you had good reason to use it.
yes, saying “segregated” just feels weird in my mouth.
You should definitely start a new club – Organized Co-ed Skinny Dipping!
how do you know I haven’t started one already?!?!
Hi Jess, Funny and sad story. Children are painfully honest, which is one of the great and not so great things about them. My 4 year old neighbor announced to me her parents were “vorcing”, which of course she didn’t know what it meant. This happened 10 years ago and we remember like it was yesterday. It is sad when little ones lose their innocence, as I guess so can grownups. Karen
vorcing. how cute and sad and yes, innocent.
and good to see you on here, Karen! I hope your summer is going well
Haha! You are just SO mean making these poor little kids work so hard. They also have to carry around hammers and nails and assemble humongous benches, and playground sets, and picnic tables and move them to and fro, and try to sell them to people who drive by the studio, right? Sounds like a child labor law issue to me. Just kidding! I had to laugh at your account, because I crack up every time my girls say they don’t have enough energy to do something, like climb the stairs to go to bed, and not 30 seconds later are they screaming and running wild again! Ah, but truthfully, don’t I feel the same way at work some days myself?!
Anyway, that sweet little girl who told you her life story … you know, that means the world to have handled this like you did. Maybe it’s fortunate that kids this age haven’t learned as many boundaries as the rest of us, so they can talk honestly about how they feel and process. It’s so sad that this is this little girl’s new normal, but to have people who help along like you did is so very important.
wait–all that stuff you mentioned about what I make the kids do–are you saying that’s innapropriate? How else will we get those playsets assembled and sold???
And I saw the little girls mother today and my heart went out to her. I hope she has kind people in her life who are speaking good, hopeful words to her and that baby she’s gonna have.
haha! No … I mean it’s all for a good cause, right?
“Life is sad and it is beautiful and it is strange and it is normal.”
So true.
Badminton is such a weird word…I always want to say “badmitton”, if I have occasion to say it at all, that is.
It is spelled badminton but pronounced badmitton. Just listen to what this page has to say: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/badminton.
I like that first line, too.
Yes, it is strange–how we spell and then pronounce that word.
‘Wednesday’ strikes me the same way.
I actually love spellings of words, though; I find it fascinating and I wonder if in the beginning we pronounced things more like they are spelled, but then just got lazy or something.
Honestly, Kurylak has an interesting spelling versus pronunciation conundrum as well. So does Worchester.
The “y” in Kurylak is there purely to make the name look prettier; it needed a descender to balance the ascenders on the ks and l.
Wait, it’s Kurl-ak, not Kurl-yak?
Cur-lack. As in, we don’t have any dogs.
Instead of lazy, I tend to think of it as us getting efficient. Verbal communication, while convenient, it kind of slow.
Another example: I always heard “excerpt” pronounced eks-sert until I heard reporters on NPR pronounce the ‘p’. Quite awkward to pronounce.
I always say “Wed-nes-day” whenever I have to spell it.
In my linguistics class, they were saying it has to do with regional accent differences too. So you might all start out pronouncing words as they’re spelled, but then certain areas deviate from that naturally as accents form, and then it would be a wasted effort to change the way the words are spelled to match up with the pronunciations because eventually it would all shift again anyway.