I wrote this song back in October. Or maybe November. And I was too embarrassed to show it then, because I didn’t want people to know that I wasn’t loved anymore.
I was still working really hard at pretending like things were good. My face would hurt from the way I’d arrange my features, thinking if I looked loved then maybe it would translate into reality.
I remember writing this and thinking in my head, You don’t know for sure that he doesn’t love you. I mean he hasn’t said it yet.
And no, I suppose he hadn’t. Not in so many words, anyway. But I knew it, I guess. I mean, I wrote this song. So I must have known something. And this was before I knew the whole and terrible truth of the matter.
But still, it’s hard to pretend at love, I think. Eventually it shows. And eventually you write a song about the way that it shows.
And so here it is.
Heartbreaking. So sad that you had to keep this is a secret too. So undeserved. I really pray it never happens again. Loveful (I made that word up!) people deserve to be loved. It’s that simple.
Well, yes–I pray that too…I don’t think I could survive it, though I suppose I’d have to, just like before. And I suppose there’d be grace, just like before.
But no–pray god, never again.
And thanks for making up a word–good one!
I agree with Jase.
Thank God for his grace, and his mercy, love, peace, healing, and restoration. And thank God that you are a vibrant testimony of each of these.
Bless you, Jess.
Yep, a lot to be grateful for, for sure:)
so sad…i agree with Jason..you are so filled with love and good things and you really do deserve to be loved..i pray too, that that never happens again. i pray that true love will come to you..a love that is true in every sense of the word..like 1 corinthians 13..love is not selfish, not proud, not self seeking..that is the kind of love you deserve..someone who will make it his priority to make sure you know how much he loves you..that will happen, i know it. i love you, my friend..
Thanks, Sarah. That sounds beautiful…
I could just copy and paste sarah’s comment, but that would be mean. So sad. Not what you deserve. Not what you sowed. I’m glad that God has a better story of love for you.
Such a sad song!!!!! You can hear the pain in your voice, and I can feel every lyric! Which unfortunately is a sign of a great artist! Beautiful my friend.
Was this a studio from tour? If so, you did an amazing job at masking your pain! I just want to go back in time, and hug you.
You are so strong, and are coming out the other side, with so much grace! xoxo
Yeah, the studio was from tour. I think it was actually our last Canadian city, which is so crazy to think of. So many emotions were going through my heart, but sadly, leaving the tour was being trumped by not really knowing what I was coming home to.
And I know you didn’t hug me in the way you’re talking about here, but our friendship and talks were very meaningful to me–so in a way, you kinda did:) thanks, JR.
wow, Jess, so beautiful. Genevieve listened with me, and said “She is beautiful. She is so beautiful.” except she pronounces it ‘byuh-di-ful’. and you are. You were brave enough to record yourself, and that’s something, for sure.
Thanks, Emily. And what a sweet girl you have there (well both of them are sweet, I’m sure!)…and yeah, i guess recording it was something–though i couldn’t play it for anyone, that’s for sure.
Who would have thought this is how you would have been treated? Such a honest, vulnerable song and I’m glad you don’t have to sing it while you’re living it anymore. It’s clear that your spirit knew way before you had evidence that he no longer loved you. I’m believing the next person you give your heart to will be an honest and true man of character who knows how to love and protect the treasure that YOU are. I’m glad this miserable chapter in your life is over.
Yeah, it’s strange how your spirit knows these things…even if cognitively, you haven’t arrives there yet.
And i’ll agree with your hope for me:)
This song is so incredibly sad and moving. I’m with J.R…I just want to go back in time and hug you listening to that. It is a beautiful song and your abiilty to communicate your feelings through music is amazing. Love you Jess.
Christine, I know you would go back in time if you could, but well–you were so quick to come right to me as soon as i knew what happened. That will always mean so so much:)
“Before I met you I was fine, but now I want to die.”
Yep, that about wraps it up folks. Sums it up well. And this is before you really even knew what was going on.
I was wondering if saying “die” was hyperbole or a little too dramatic; I had no idea it would become just about right in the not too distant future. Sad.
WOW!!! It is so amazing to me how sad, yet how beautiful that song is. I love your transparency. It makes me happy to know that you can express yourself in such a beautiful way.
It was a very sad song. I really want to hug you right now, but I am sure that God is doing that at every moment. I know, that especially with it having been 6 months, that things are hard, but he is there.
I too, am praying that NOTHING like this can ever happen to you again. I mean, in no way, no pain that great.
God is blessing you more and more, and more everyday.
Thank God for his blessings in your life. Thank God for how far you have come, and how far you are gonna go.
Thank God!
Thank you so much, Rachel! And I’ll take that hug from you on sunday, for sure…and yes, I’m doing so much better now…thank god.
Something about the way your hand wearing its wedding ring jumps in and out of view speaks to me. Like a flame flickering before it goes out. I can’t imagine the heart break you’ve suffered and I am very glad the sun is shining again so that you don’t have to sing such hauntingly sad (although beautiful) songs anymore.
I noticed that, too, and the way you describe it is perfect–”a flame flickering before it goes out.”
It’s weird how I’m used to not wearing a ring now. It’s weird how tragic this has all been. It’s weird how, like you said, the sun is stilll shining, despite it all.
Jess, I’ve listened to this song no less then 20 times today. I hope you don’t mind, but i posted it on my FB page. You inspire me….you and your HIDEOUS white purse!
John…thank you for saying so…both about inspiring and the purse being hideous!
And don’t worry: I hate that purse so much!!;-)
Jessica–I am just checking out your “You Don’t Come Around here Anymore” video (led here by your Lyric/Rap!!) and I have to say it’s very beautiful, powerful and the sound is quite good (looks like a dance studio?!) but I would love to see it re-recorded with good lighting and shooting you from a good angle. It’s frustrating to only see you from the side, listening to you sing such a powerful song. More on that…let’s talk!!
julie–thanks so much, and yes! please! I’d love to talk about this…:)