Today I cried with one friend and I laughed with another.
I cried by myself, lost in my thoughts, and then a small red fox ran through the snow, in front of my car, and I smiled despite myself.
It’s the same red fox who seems to have chosen the end of my parents’ lane as one of his favorite spots to hang out. Sort of like how, unbelievably, Burger King has become that way in nearby Newark, only I give a lot more credit to the fox for his choice because at least the lane is surrounded by trees and there aren’t too many florescent lights to compete with the stars and the moon.
Actually, I think that the fox has chosen the lane as a date spot. Because twice now I’ve seen him cavorting with a black cat there. I know, I know, I thought it was something about the lion and the lamb too, but hey–the fox and the cat kind of works for me.
But what I meant to say was that I saw them when I was sad and suddenly I did feel better. Stupidly and mostly inexplicably better. Did the cat and the fox change anything about the actual shape of my reality?
No.
But they brought some other things to my attention, things that really helped. They surprised me with something good. And thereby reminded me that those kinds of things still happen. Good surprises, I mean. They reminded me of whimsy. The side of life that doesn’t look like math and isn’t so easily erased as equations on the chalkboard, but there they are. The part of life that keeps you laughing at the same knock knock joke you heard ten years ago, but this time it’s your niece who’s saying it and this time you laugh and it’s genuine. It’s playing. It’s innocent fun. I’ll breathe that in, if you don’t mind. And then I remembered that sometimes things don’t make sense in a good way. And it’s like the opposite of getting the wind knocked out of you because suddenly you’re breathing and it’s deep and it’s like your lungs remember they can expand and also that you have all the air you’ll ever need to say whatever it is you need to say, my dear. And really? A fox and a cat? In real life; this isn’t a cartoon. Okay, then. Makes no sense, but I’ll take it in.
And tonight, I stepped inside to practice music with a friend and then when I stepped back outside hours later, the world was transformed by snow. And here I thought I had grown tired of the winter, but then when I saw that, I realized I was wrong. That an apology was in order. Good thing the snow has a habit of falling on the grateful and the ungrateful alike; good thing I am not exempt from that kind of beauty.
The truth is, nobody is.
And to me, it seemed like all that covering up of the nakedness of winter happened in just a few song’s worth of time. And well, it can happen like that sometimes. Good things coming into your life. They can come and take your breath away just like that in the same way that bad things can come and knock you off your feet just like that.
And like my friend John says, Miracles happen, so why not to me?
Why not, indeed.
I love when the snow takes me by surprise.
and it’s a funny thing about the fox. Dan always used to take the longest, windiest way home at night, and it kinda bugged me until I realized that he was just hoping, making himself available to see a fox or a buck, or any sort of wildlife, because it just lifted him, inexplicably, made him feel like a child, if only for a moment or two. I’m glad you’ve got a regular little spirit lifter.
I think that may be the lane of happy little wildlife surprises. I would LOVE to see the fox and cat.. but for me it’s usually birds that do the surprising. I was driving down that lane a month or so ago , and I saw a bluebird…and then twenty or more bluebirds. I’d never seen anything like it, and it does lift the spirits, doesn’t it?
I like the drive back and forth to church partly because I sometimes see a fox on the drive.
Yes, miracles for you. Let it be so.
What a beautifully written blog…..takes my breathe away. Makes me feel better to read it.
I always feel closer to God when I’m around nature. Sometimes I’ve had enough of human-made things and I just have to go where God creates.
Oh, by the way…..we got the fox and the bluebirds from Walt…….told you he was a friend of the family’s!
I once saw a whole family of skunks playing together right by that lane. 1 big mommy skunk and 5 tiny little cute skunks. I loved them. God does bring goodness at the best of times which often can be OUR worst of times.
Jess…so beautiful..im so glad God is surprising you, and bringing you good things in unexpected places and He is lifting your heart even in the hardest of times..im so thankful He is doing that for you..there will continue to be many more beautiful surprises and reminders of His love for you and His promise that He has not left you..and is with you even in the darkest times..you are a very special woman:)
Jess, I’m so happy the snow brought you joy this time. I was busily getting some stuff ready last night and it was snowing away and I looked outside and didn’t really “take it in.” Then I paused, and I was thinking, “I’m not going to become this ADULT who misses a chance to marvel at the falling of snow.” When I was a kid it was magical, and I’ve fought to let it stay magical even as a 1-month-until-I’m-33-yr-old. So yeah. I paused. And it was magical.
I love how you guys all find the magic too. I love how you help to remind me of the fact that it’s still here…
Magic and Miracles my dear, they’re out there!!!!
Sometimes I am surprised by the unexpected sight of wildlife in my backyard. I love it when a goldfinch flits across it. Such a vivid yellow in an animal makes me happy…I feel the same way about the butterflys I see in my yard, too (although not right now, of course), or the bluebirds, rabbits, and deer I see as I drive down the lane to church. We have a hawk in our development that I have heard more than I have seen, but it makes me happy to know it is there. Cardinals are certainly a more common sight, but they thrill me just the same…gotta love that bright flash of red!
Of course, that SHOULD be ‘butterflies’…yikes!
I have to admit that, upon reading that typo coming from YOU of all people, I was quite surprised…;-)
I know, right?! I surprised myself, which is why it took me over 3 hours to realize I made the mistake…not too many of them get past me!
Haha, Kathie – I read “goldfinch” as “goldfish” initially and was very confused.
I’d like to see a goldfish flitting across Kathie’s yard, lol!
Well, I didn’t want to say so, but my backyard is home to the illusive and very rare flying goldfish…but just let that be our little secret, won’t you? I can’t have a bunch of people tramping through our yard, frightening the fish and ruining John’s landscaping.
well, it’s a good thing you’re having this pro-snow attitude, cause we’re supposed to get about 24 inches this weekend….
whoa…that’s a lotta snow…hopefully my pro-snow attitude stretches that far…
Your writing is refreshing… Regardless the subject matter. The snow really does cover winters nakedness and makes the season likeable again. I hope you get some sledding in!
if i can get out the door, I will definitely be all up in that snow!