It’s funny how the mind works.
One second you’re crying about something or other, feeling absolutely overpowered by the strength of your emotion, positive that there is room for nothing else. Ever. When all of the sudden something utterly ridiculous pops into your mind. It’s like the guy at the funeral that cracks a joke: inappropriate, but what was said was said and what else is there to do but go with it and laugh, I guess.
But in this case the thought that just showed up uninvited was a song. And not just any song. Nothing awesome and fitting with some sort of haunting melody and redemptive lyrics to lift the soul.
Nope, it was Cher. Believe, specifically, replete with the auto tuning that made everybody drop their trapper keepers on the spot, it was that exciting.
But maybe it was a little redemptive after all because it made me think of my sister. And how much she l-o-v-e-d that song.She was all of ten years old when it came out and she couldn’t watch it enough. Seriously, she made sure my mom taped it for her. And yes, taped, circa 1998, when TIVO was something futuristic that might happen in Star Trek and we’d only be forced to know about it because my parents unfortunately liked those movies and watched them.
But Jenna would watch Cher on that stage, dressed in her fatigues with her long perfect hair streaming behind her while men more than half her age danced in their own fatigues, though I am pretty sure the closest any of them had ever gotten to a battle was maybe a dance-off. And as soon as the last note sounded, Jenna would quickly cross the distance to the VCR, press rewind, and the beat would start all over again and before we knew it Cher was asking anybody who cared to listen if they believe in life after love?
And that memory made me think of Jenna listening to another pop diva years earlier, obsessed yet again with a song on the television, and this time she wasn’t too old to restrain herself from dancing too.
She was 16 months maybe, all curls, berry-brown skin, and big bright eyes. And when Janet Jackson started singing Escapade, she went on her own escapade right there in the living room. It was hilarious because she danced like a little trained monkey only it was better because Jenna wore a diaper and I am pretty sure monkeys just go wherever. And it was so joyful, so free, so ridiculous that you couldn’t help but laugh.
And now all these years later, after these thoughts came firing through my mind one after the other–unbidden but still there–I couldn’t help but smile.
Jess I love your new site!!! I love the drawings, the blue with the red, your handwriting…it’s so pretty!! I was confused about how to leave comments for a minute but obviously I figured it out : ) I’m glad that you found something to smile about…I love those stories about Jenna! Love you Jess.
love it. very nice. that font is my favorite, it’s just so honest…
When I was reading the second Jenna story I somehow missed the word “months.” The thought of 16 year old Jenna dancing around the living room in a diaper, although funny, was a bit perplexing.
Nice new design!
Oh, Jess….this is exciting! This reminds me of something Rick Warren said in Life’s Healing Choices: There is no such thing as a roller coaster in life. You are not either way up or way down. In every part of life, there are two tracks going on~ one that is good and one that is bad. This website is part of the good track.
I love the stories about Jenna–the dancing 16 month old is one of my favorites!
How much I enjoy reading this blog at breakfast!!!!
I LOVE your new site, Jess!! I haven’t read this post yet, and I don’t have time to right now, but I will come back and read it, then comment. This is so beautiful, my friend!
Wow, this is my dream site!! My favorite colors!!! Also, I laughed out loud at the thought of little Jenna dancing around the living room to Janet Jackson.
Well, I’d just like someone to mark my words, and let it be put on record that all of the recent trauma (that was delivered to you in a terrifying unmarked box with your name on it) shall be taken by you over time and spun into one beautiful and deeply meaningful thing after another. And as your heart reacts in panic each time there is a noise that indicates that there is more pain waiting for you in that box when you already feel as though you can handle no more without being annihilated, over time you begin to internalize that your spirit is much stronger than you thought, and that a part of you that you’ve never had to know before is actually astounding: you have the ability to take each horrific content of that box of trauma and turn it into gold. Something incredible that would not be in existence had it not been for the unique combination of The Box Meant To Destroy You and your own spirit and soul, broken and strong, creating literal beauty out of some of the darkest and deadest ashes one could imagine. It is already happening, and this beautiful page is the beginning.
Jessica, you did a great job on the sketches and choices and Darby that was downright beautiful too. Certainly these are comments worthy of a new shiny site design.
Jess..beautiful site..beautiful sketches..i agree with what Darby said..and i am praying that for you. love you and i am so honored to be your friend..
love, love, love the new site! and thanks for writing stories about me
p.s. i listened to/rocked out to believe while reading this post.
please say that you really did listen to Believe!!!
Beautiful post, Jess. I agree with Darby, as well…by the way, Darby, those are some lovely thoughts, too! I am a firm believer in the divine exchange of “beauty for ashes, the oil of gladness for mourning, and a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness”. I am counting on it.
thanks, everyone…I am really excited about this and your comments are all so nice and kind and I like to read them so it’s a win-win situation, I think.
p.s. Collin, if Jenna had actually been dancing around in a diaper to Escapade when she was 16 years old, that would be so so sad…:-)
and p.p.s. darby, your comment made me cry.
Jenna, you have ALWAYS loved autotuning robot voices even to this day. Just the other day you were freaking over Lady Gaga doing it in Telephone. Cher and Believe was the first time I ever heard that and I thought it was cool but weird.
All the good things have already been said! I too love Cher, I love Jenna, I love Darby and her beautiful, healing words, I love this page and I love you! Come home soon.
haha i don’t know why i love it so much but i just do! that’s why i’m in love with the song telephone, just because of that one part lol.